Robb cuts down a tree. With assistance.

by | Jun 18, 2018 | Random Ravings | 0 comments

It was a nice tree… that was right next to the house. We both wanted it down, Laurie figured today was the perfect day to do it.  It was.

And so the adventure begins.

I think cutting down a tree is appealing to any man’s masculinity. Especially if said man has never actually done it before.  So, when Laurie mentioned cutting down our 20ish ft Japanese weeping cherry I was game.

I went to the shed, grabbed my chainsaw and headed toward the roof.  My initial thoughts were to cut some of the larger limbs that were hanging over the roof so they didn’t damage anything on the way down.  After getting on the roof with a chainsaw in hand, I totally realized this could very well be a Darwin Award move and opted out of using a chainsaw on a roof with a fairly steep pitch.  Needless to say, Laurie was pleased with my decision.

So back down I went.

I cut a pie-shaped notch in the direction I wanted it to fall and I cut a block notch on the other side I was going to use for a farmer’s jack to push the tree down.  I was rummaging through the garage when I heard Laurie call out in panic.

“ROBBBBBB!”

Hearing this, my mind goes to the tree prematurely falling.  I had visions of my entire family, all our pets and the chickens getting squashed by a falling cherry tree.  I stumbled out of our cluttered basement around the house to see Laurie laying on her back just indie the fence clearly in pain.

Her ankle was… looking a bit mutated.  As if an alien entity were about to pop out of it.  I immediately thought, “Emergency Room”. but Laurie just wanted to get inside to lay down on the bed.  After what seemed like a journey across the Oregon Trail, we made it to the bed and I lay her down and propped up her foot when I got another look at it.

I know you aren’t supposed to upset people by pointing out certain wounds…. but, “Oh My God Laurie, your Ankle!” escaped my lips before I could say anything.  Five minutes later, we were making an odyssey to the car and to the ER.

Some hours later we returned home and I was back to the tree. For some very stupid reason, I cut off a few limbs of the tree on one side.  The side I wanted it to fall, which made the other side heavier.  This meant that even when I but my wedge into where it SHOULD fall, it didn’t because there wasn’t a counterbalance to the other limbs.

I hacked at the tree with my ax because I thought the chainsaw would make dodging a falling tree both cumbersome and dangerous.  Still, it wouldn’t budge.  I climbed up on the roof and used the hand hedge trimmers to cut off a few of the smaller branches, climbed back down and pushed and pulled on the tree and saw a little wiggle but no falling.

I would have cut more but at this point, it looked like there was about a 50% chance the tree would fall the WRONG way and land on my house.  Laurie was gimped out, watching me in the bedroom window and yelling at me to call our neighbor or my brother.

So, I called my brother. He came up, requested a ladder and moved the rope I had tied around the tree about 6 feet up to about 15 feet up.  We huffed… and puffed… the tree shifted I dropped the rope and ran like I was staring int he Fast and the Furious with my brother yelling, “Don’t stop pulling!”

When the tree didn’t even come close to falling, I had no words.  Just picked up the rope and gave it a weak tug as my brother grabbed the chainsaw and powered that baby up.

The final solution?  Me pull and him cut.  So we went at it.

A few moments later the tree fell. I had probably three days to dodge the tree (almost mocking my previous flight) as it slowly leaned and finally lurched the rest of the way to the ground.

Now, I have a messy tree in my yard and a gimpy wife!

What a day!

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